I've been a nurse for 40 years - here's why I'm striking

This blog is written by NHS nurse and RCN member Carol Webley-Brown.

I’ve dedicated my life to NHS nursing for more than 40 years. The decision to strike is not one I or my colleagues have taken lightly, and I believe patients deserve to understand why we are doing this.

l am striking because l am tired, frustrated, and exhausted. The emotional and traumatic pain of working every day without many things you need to do a good enough job is so hard. I have been a nurse all my working life and l have never known it to be so bad. If l do not work my days off, l cannot manage. There are not enough qualified nurses so the burden of responsibility and accountability is overwhelming. I have no other colleague l can talk to who can support me or help me. I am all alone.

During COVID, all l could see was death. l was so numb. l did not even get to learn the names of my patients because so many of them lost their lives. Even when a patient made it, l almost did not dare to believe it. The worst part is that the more l understood about how COVID was being handled, the more l knew the deaths were so often unnecessary. How could this government be so bold and so cold, to prioritise awarding dodgy COVID contracts to their mates whilst NHS staff and patients died?

As an Accident and Emergency nurse, l come to work and all l see is a sea of ambulances and l honestly want to turn back and go home. It was a specialty l loved, but these days l look around and l just don't know who to treat first because all are so unwell. l bring one in only to be told that the next patient has died in the ambulance. I then can’t get away from the feeling that it’s my fault, even when I know there is nothing I could have done. It is my job to save and heal, not to cause death or further harm. It is traumatic doing this day in and out.

There have not been enough nurses for a long time, they are leaving in droves. I have nurse friends who are now working in libraries, working on farms, working as a receptionist, and in supermarkets. They are happy the pressure is off, and that they can finish work on time and spend time with their families.

Nurses are the most trusted of professions but now things are so bad, we are ordering more food for the wards so that the nurses won’t go hungry. Some of us might stay on the ward a bit longer because it is freezing at home. Others are choosing between putting petrol in the car to go to work or buying nappies. The recruitment of student nurses is at an all-time low, because the bursaries were cut and mature nurses coming in cannot afford to do nursing.

Nurses are a core pillar of our public health service. Without us, the NHS will not survive. But we are so burnt out, and the government has ignored our cries for help for years on end. And of course patients are bearing the brunt of this crisis. Unless frontline NHS staff are paid properly, patients will continue to face unacceptable delays, a lack of beds and plummeting quality of care.

All of us - both staff and patients - deserve so much better, and we must demand it from this government. That’s exactly why I’m striking.

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